Super-Vixens: Vampirella

In celebration of Halloween, I give you Warren's famed Gothic Supernatural Seductress that's been putting the VAMP in Vampire for nigh on five decades, the illustrious Queen of the Undead, Vampirella!

Vampi's been around since the late sixties,  and I remember feasting my young eyes on  those oh-so-seductive Warren Magazine covers and noting that even then it seemed more about sex than Horror! Oh, you can bet those covers just drove me out of my mind, they were so AWESOME!

I remember back in 1979, there was this one particular Vampirella cover that I truly believe was the sexiest illustration I'd ever seen at that point in my life (and still may rank among the top five!) and I remember staring at that cover every day I went into the store to buy my comics. 

Oh how I'd been brave (and old) enough to have picked that one up at the time, but unfortunately for my raging hormones, it would be not until years later that I finally got ahold of that one! The issue was Vampirella #82, and I remember when I was older, going to the comic store and feverishly thumbing through the old box of Vampirellas, and the THRILL when I found it again after all those years!

But that was just one of the many, many awesome issues that Warren put out in those years (even a short stint where they used real life models dresses as Vampi for the covers, which i just HATED) and  she even had a new life in the 90s and beyond in the comics medium! But for, it would always be about those 70's issues that so enthralled me!

Favorite Halloween Stories:"The Upturned Stone" by Scott Hampton

Like most people, the things that I feel are the most authentically “Halloween-ish” are the stories, movies and TV specials that came out when I was a kid, Obviously because it’s the time Halloween is the most “alive” for you, what with Trick Or Treating and all, but occasionally, some new movie or story will “get it right”, and I’ll get properly ”Halloweened” out by it, and such was the case with the awesome story THE UPTURNED STONE.

Written and Illustrated by Scott Hampton and published in the 1993 Fall Issue of HEAVY METAL, The Upturned Stone, though a “modern” fable, had all the nuances of the best vintage Halloween stories, dark and misty and colored with the full spectrum of autumn reds, yellows and oranges as it painted a tale of four boys, a pumpkin and a pie. And HELL, was it SCARY!!!

The Story begins with the introduction of four young boys on the edge of adolescence a la STAND BY ME…

Pete‘s Mother has given him two dollars to pick up a pumpkin for their Halloween Jack O’ Lantern, but his friend George says that he knows a place where he’s seen a huge one they can pick for free, and keep the two dollars. They, along with friends Dave and Mark, head out across town to the site. Upon laying eyes on the specimen, they agree that it is indeed a huge pumpkin, but then they suddenly realize the thing is growing right out of a grave!

The grave is marked “unknown” as it belongs to a boy whose body was found by a hunter in the woods brutally tortured and murdered. No one knows who he was or where he’d come from. Pete, Dave and Mark are appalled at the idea of picking the pumpkin right off of the boy’s grave, but George decides it’s just right for Halloween, and chops the thing off its vine.

On Halloween Night, the Jack O’ Lantern is revealed, and though it’s done well, they notice that the face of the pumpkin seems more sad than frightening. “It just turned out that way” Pete’s Dad explains. No matter, the boys soon are off on their merry way Trick or Treating, knowing that this may well be the last time they are old enough to do so.

Upon returning home, they are startled to find that Pete’s mother has taken the pumpkin filling and made a pie out of it! They are horrified at the thought of eating the “haunted” pumpkin, but once again George stands up, declares that they’re all being silly and has the first bite of pie. Soon they’re all digging in, all fears cast aside!

That night, after watching a scary movie with the boys and his parents, Pete is having a fitful sleep. He has this most disorienting dream of an old man inviting him into his musty old house. He follows the man into his dark living room where the old man gives him a drink and then all goes black. 

A few weeks later, he’s out camping with Mark and George, and when they are telling each other ghost stories,  Mark mentions that he’s been having this really strange recurring dream. Mark’s dream is of being led into a musty room, drugged and tied up to a bed by an old man. With this, George mentions that HE’S been having a recurring dream too, this time of being a hitchhiker and getting picked up by an old man.

By comparing their dream stories together, they realize that somehow, they are piecing together the untold story of what happened to the murdered boy: An old man picked up a hitchhiking boy, brought him to his house, drugged him with a drink, and then tied him up…and probably killed him! Though they don’t recognize the old man, George DOES recognize the house-  Old Man Bremer’s place. Suddenly they realize that they haven’t talked to Dave in weeks and it is HE who must be dreaming the horrific “last part “of the murdered boy’s fate.

Cutting their camping trip short, the boys race back to Dave’s house, where they find him tossing and turning in bed, lost in the middle of the horrible nightmare he’s been dreaming for the last few weeks! What he’s been dreaming is too chilling for words.

The next morning, awake and clear headed, the four boys realize a sobering thought: They have been having these dreams because the murdered boy wants them to kill Bremer for him. Though a terrible thought, they believe it’s the right thing to do. But can they do it?

By the time they have reconnoitered near Old Man Bremer’s house late that night, some of them have had second thoughts and have nothing to do with it. Can they live with murdering someone? DO they have the guts to go through with it? And what if they’re wrong? What if Bremer is innocent? They begin yelling and fighting with each other…Then suddenly they realize they are…not…alone.

Looking off in the distance, the boys see a shimmering image of some kind of spirit lurking at the edge of the woods. The shape reaches out to them and at once, their bodies and minds are no longer theirs. Like a possessed mob of villagers, the boys are guided and coached by this mysterious force towards the old house to take care of the ordeal once and for all.

With hands moving on their own accord, they find themselves breaking into the house, subduing the Old Man (who has been waiting for them with an axe that does him no good) and ceremoniously setting the entire house ablaze. Still entranced, they leave the burning wreck behind and return to their homes.

The following day, the boys take the remains of the Jack O Lantern back to the site of the grave, knowing that their job here is done. They boys have done the favor that this unknown boy has asked of them, and they realize he has passed something onto them as well. They have grown up.

The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid

Over my vacation I took along with me the fantastically fun and interesting "Life And Times Of The Thunderbolt Kid" by Bill Bryson. I've always had a great love of reading people's childhood memories of comics, television and toy collecting in the fifties and sixties which are widely considered the "Golden Age" of such stuff, and as a personal memoir of Bryson chronicling his kid years growing up in 1950's Iowa, this was SUCH A BLAST to read!

From Stealthy To Sultry, The Gorgeous Rose Byrne

Just watched the much-talked about Kristen Wiig Comedy BRIDESMAIDS. As readers of this blog know, I've loved her since her hilarious "Virgania Horsen's Hot-Air Balloon Rides" Commercials on SNL so I was set to watch this movie with much anticipation!

Well, It was as good as I'd hoped, and everyone was great in it, but HOLY FRICKING HELL, special mention MUST be made of actress Rose Byrne here! 

As You recall, I've loved her since Wicker Park and drooled over her turn as Moira MacTaggert in X-Men First Class, but MY GOD, she looks positively SMOULDERING with sultry SEXINESS in Bridesmaids as the entirely POSH Helen Harris, the "Rich Bitch" arch enemy of harried Annie (Kristen Wiig)!

Seeing her run around in her lingerie in X-Men was of course a high point for me, but HOLY CRAP, Rose looks SO DAMN gorgeous here, she reminded me of Jane Seymour back in her 'Live And Let Die" Solitaire Days, and that' ain't whistlin' Dixie, 'cause I LOVE Jane Seymour!! Man, I have GOT to start seeing more of her movies!

A Slice Of Life In The 70's

I once worked at a Photo-Finishing Company with this semi-retired old guy who’d also worked as the maintenance man for a local high school in his earlier years. Back then, he’d see countless unused composition books and legal pads tossed away at the end of the school term, so when he’d come across one, he’d pick it out of the bin and use them for his own projects. Years and years later when I was working with him, he still had a whole bunch of them along with his mechanical and technical books adorning the overflowing shelves of his Workroom.

Well, Old John has long since passed on, but I still had a couple of those notebooks he’d given me back in the day, and one day I pulled one of them out to jot down notes of some Photo Order I was doing, and was surprised to find that this particular notebook John had saved had actually been used by a student- I guess since three-fourths of it was still usable, John saved it anyway.

Flipping through the old Notebook, I was amazed to find it was a Writing Assignment Journal where the students had to write down what was going on with their lives on a daily basis to get them in the routine of writing. Looking closer, I found that this journal was written by a young girl in 1977-78!!! And flipping through the pages of the assignment, I found it to be an AMAZING, PERFECT TIME CAPSULE of  everyday  Hawaii life in the Seventies!

Some excerpts:

December 16,1977

Tonight, I went out with friends to Pearlridge, it has really improved since the last time I was there. After shopping, we went cruising around.

January 21, 1978

Tonight my friend and I went out. It was a choice night! First of all we ate dinner at the snack shop in Waikiki. We were just cruising around then when our friend got off work we ate again! Then we went back to his house and watched Cable-TV. We saw the movie “Demon Seed”. We stayed up almost all night. It was a trip!

January 23, 1978

Tonight we went out to see “Saturday Night Fever”, but it was sold out. So we went to the movie “Which Way Is Up?” It was a really good movie. It was really funny!

  After the movie we ate at Chunky’s then we came home. I also went to Kahala Mall. I was going to buy this dress but it would have fallen apart the first time I washed it, so I didn’t get it.

January 26, 1978

Tonight we went to the movies again. We wanted to see “Saturday Night Fever” but it was sold out again. So we saw “Close Encounters Of The Third Kind”. The movie was okay. But you had to wait for the end, that was the best part. It was pretty good though. We ate at Chunky’s then I came home.

  When I got home all the lights in the house were out. It was really hard to brush my teeth by candlelight. Have you ever tried brushing your teeth by candlelight? Let me tell you, it’s hard.

January 27, 1978

Tonight we saw “Saturday Night Fever”! It was really good. I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. We also watched “A Star Is Born on our friend’s Cable-TV. Tonight was a lot of fun!

February 3, 1978

Well, tonight we went out. First we ate at Zippy’s, then we went to Waikiki. We were going to Tiki’s, but we changed our mind. So we ended up playing nickle machines. We Had Fun!

March 6, 1978

Today We went to Paradise Park. We watched the bird show it was cute. The last time I went I was about 8 or 10 years old. That was a long time ago. But it was fun. The Birds learned new tricks!

March 27,1978

Tonight we saw the movie “American Hot Wax”. It was really good! It was about the man named Alan Freed. He Started playing Rock and Roll on the radio. It was an old-style version of Saturday Night Fever! We ate at Zippy’s then we went to Green Velvets and played machines. It was a pretty good night.

I'm telling you, it was such a TRIP to read through this old journal and read of all the places referred to therein that have long since passed on, and hearing about all those movies that we now know as classics being talked about as they came out really knocked me out!

Those of us who grew up  here in the 70's will have much to relate to in these pages, it just takes me back to MY childhood, for even I remember going to Paradise Park, and remember quite well the buzz surrounding the renovation of Pearlridge back then! Ah, so many memories!

Reading these entries, I'd sometimes wonder just who this girl was that wrote this journal, but as it was SUCH a long time ago, and John the Maintenance Man is no longer around to give me any clues, it seems we may never know! Whoever she is, I thank her for giving us such an interesting glimpse of 70's Hawaii Life!